sweet pill, bitter candy.

New year, same You (:

2008-12-31T23:49:00.003+08:00

thankyou dear Lord Jesus.
for letting innocence on legs walk into my life
when all others walk past.
thank you for her beautiful eyes
that see what even you ignore.
thank you for her ears that listen what otherwise the wind sweeps under the rug,
lips that whisper syrup-laden mumbles the world scrimps on,
and hands made to clasp mine when i drown
in critical spit and guide me out the spot-light glare of the dreaded expectant.
thank you for her naivety,
for letting her believe there was something lovelie in me when there wasn't
holding onto me and never let me go.
thankyou for her unyielding faith in me.
i didnt deserve any but she showered it on me anyways.
so for all you've failed to answer i give thank for this:
for giving me a reason to pray at night before sweet slumber,
a reason to be better than what i am and ever will be.
Dear, words wldnt be my choice of medium if thr was any other stronger,
but its all ive got. So thankyou, for loving this weeping wreck when no other will.
this wreck will never forsake u even if you wanted to,
this wreck will love you, and
this wreck will embrace 09 with love-inspired confidence
And spend it with you.

No time, no time.

2008-11-26T23:25:00.002+08:00

Went out with long lost friends Haoxun, Alicia and Beitris!

We roamed endlessly round orchard with beitris getting bored and chatting up a cute counter boy at cineleisure. Lol! Anw we decided to go kbox:D

me, haoxun, beitris, alicia :D

haoxun's idea. LOL jk la

JUMPSHOTS :D

Go, go Power Rangers!!!

We sang/crapped/ate nuts/jumped till 8 and decided we needded food so off we went to nydc for dinner!! :D

Beitris' twin behind haha!

In all it was a gr8 day spent and altho I was dead shagged when i arrived home, Im glad I met them agn. Hope to meet up soon k? :D:D

OHH went shopping wif christen today!! Was his free fashion consultant for the day coz chu(aka Po) threatened me. As always. Haha.

Chris' foot in smth ex lol.

I BOUGHT THIS WOOOOTS!!:D

Really need to get some slp now haven't been slping well ever since after as. lol dat sounds weird. Anw hope you're well there and do rmb to takkair of that nasty flu k dear? Love you :)

I left it at changi.

2008-11-25T09:24:00.002+08:00

Have a safe journey, enjoy urself and keep warm. dun let ur cold relapse k? I love you (:

Sentosa!

2008-11-24T02:37:00.002+08:00

Visited sentosa with mong a couple of days back:D

Met at harbourfront :D

She was hungry

So we pigged-out! :)

she was thirsty,

thirsty.

Ok she was very thirsty..

Sentosa!

failed jumping shots lol

Its a mermaid!!!

and a dead fish...

muah-chification of mong. lol.

she loved it so much.. she didn't wanna leave T.T

Yesterday's light shopping :)

I really enjoyed myself these few days dear. Cant imagine the whole month w/o you in like 2 days from now. You'll bring my heart along with you i guess. Anw enjoy urself in Shanghai k? Just don't forget to come back. to me. lol..

RUSHED

2008-11-22T02:25:00.004+08:00

It was hell'o a few days.

Watched Quantum of solace, had pigging-out sessions at lerk thai(din noe the set lunch was so economical thr!), went out with chu2 to haf thai express and went to HER place for crapping. Among other things I sent off a gd fren a couple of days back. Din wanna show it but really was quite emotional. Din really haf a fren in class I felt so at ease ard with, not having to secondguess wad hes scheming behind ur back, and most imptly, if its against you. Gets tiring after some time so u'ld appreciate one who doesn't very much. Really looking forward to meeting him in China in a few weeks time:D

Talking abt sending frens off it seems to be a trend every graduation yr, be it for long or juz periods. Bid chu(aka Po) gdbye a wk back, the night before she left. Hope she comes back in one piece or I'ld haf to find a new best fren. Or a new tubbymate. So mafan...

Anw its been a hectic few days after As with catching up stuff lidat, esp prom prac and getting to know the band. Really nice ppl, talented as well. Makes me feel inferior lol.. Hope it'll be a big success and help em out and most imptly, i wun screw up on d-day><

Kinda spaced out after realisation of no-books-for-the-nxt-2-yrs kicked in, had a lotta time to run thru some stuff inside. See things in a very different light now, like the scrutiny on books under the microscope seem so ridiculous when looking back a couple'a wks. I've learnt how to cherish wads infront, and acknowledge, not ignore, wads around. Sometimes ppl wonder whr'd they folly lie and fault others for being critical, but i realised self- reflection comes less forcefully compared to self denial. -.-Haha juz a reminder to all out thr.

In short the hols seem to be stuck in squelching mud and paced vv slowly. Or it cld juz be me enjoying it a lil too much. Late now gta slp and looking forward to sentosa tml:D:D NITE

a wee bit to go.

2008-11-11T16:22:00.003+08:00

A's are ALMOST over:D:D:D Not relieved though. Dno how the preceeding batches stand the 4month wait. Could lead one too new horizons and exciting new peaks to climb, or could ditch u into an abyss of despair. So scary. Anw gna slp now. Slpt too lil the past half-month.

Its been awhile.

2008-10-08T22:25:00.004+08:00

Today was a good day:D

Class was almost two-thirds present and everyone was in a crappy mood(think they all cao mugging last night. Closet muggers..) but all were high because of it. So we plaaaaaaayed cards. lol.

Then it was lunch with my darlings, except sylvia(as in she was thr, but shes not my darling HAHAHAH). Haven't had the chance to talk to them in awhile and it felt great to juz chat over lunch, especially amidst these trying times. Andre's still as handsy ard louis and me, louis' equally horny, sylvia put on weight(you told me one ar) and Brandon... Well, hes still into killing conversations.

And I had a bad scare from mong 2dae. She msged me in the midst of lunch "I failed econs." I freaked and really wanted to make sure she was okay, so i asked her down to white sands. And when she finally arrived...

Me: "Huh what happened I thought you were confident for it?"
Mong: " I did badly for my case studies la."
Me: "Huh so how u really fail?"
Mong: "No la I got E. I failed myself lorr."

-.-

Anw you did great for promos and im proud of you dear. :D Yupp ok back to chem now.

Exams.

2008-09-13T19:54:00.005+08:00

Evil thing. Draws u away from what u love.
Feel so far away from what I need.
There's this void that churns inside
I badly need to fill.
It twirls It swirls It eats my world
from head to toe I feel this
tingle on the tips,
My fingers My tongue My crinkle cut mind.
A ringing? fire bells singing?
the fine young Bingley(though thou falls short of) needs no fortune needs no land.
The fine young Bingley needs his Jane,
plain'o Jane. No fiesty lizzy or fair,fair desde
would douse cinderblocks of such passion William longs to share.
She told me she whisper'd 'O Dear, o'my dear'
in her sleep or at its brink.
She faults my nectar-crusted tongue when I speak of how i heard them too
in my dreams, and all i had to confess was how sweet the dream was.
O darling you move me. You move me from today to tomorrow.
You're my joy, my sorrows. I want you but i guess
the Devil has yet to be tamed.

an angel picked me out.

2008-08-28T23:14:00.002+08:00

Do u feel sometimes, the more u grow up the scarier the world becomes? Like, u no longer see others the same way? Friends become classmates, classmates become peopole, people become part of the populace of this huge cosmic joke? You know, Im starting to fear the world, the world and its huge web, the intermeshing vines that hold us together. Sounds so endearing, makes u happy to noe that ur part of everyone, everything. Right? Wrong. this sick web just holds us in, it holds as all in. How we shove and push, how we fight for room in this suffocating world is our problem. All eyes are on everyone, no one flies under. You'ld be lucky to find a corner and hide for the rest of time, let alone fight for ur place in the world. Slowly but surely I find myself withdrawing from this cold, cold reality.

Im so disappointed with it. It used to be so colourful, a plethora of curiosity and wonders, most importantly, innocence. I guess that's what they call growing up; the time it takes to finally realise that the world we live in is actually an ugly, ugly place. But i guess, Im living, Im living for... What am i living for..? Lol..

Happy birthday, my dear.

2008-08-25T00:40:00.012+08:00

Photos of mengting's surprise bdae party! :D

Clapclap!!!

"I want a new f21 tube, a aldo clutch, guess stilettos..."

ky looks weird HAHAHAHA

spastic~:D

Oh she cant wait to have that cake..

get wad i mean?

finally HAHAHAH

Oops forgot to warn u abt the knife. She likes that too. Especially when the cake's on it..

See? Committed bf :D

Thankew to frens blahblah~

Camwhoring at ws macs-.-camwhoring

More camwhoring

Ok u geddit.

yupp dats it :D

I gave you these shoes not in hope of you walking out of my life, but to thank God for letting you walk right into it. Happy birthday mong. Hope I made it special for you. :)

I love you.

2008-08-03T20:56:00.002+08:00

People need assurance from time to time, and I need the most important person to know that...

Birthday bash.

2008-07-14T20:13:00.003+08:00

Long expired photos. Filled with love from friends and cherished one/s. Enjoy:)

I must learn.

2008-07-03T22:11:00.002+08:00

Many a time in life we habour thoughts of giving up. Because life's just tougher for me, good things happens to others; Because all's not well. But don't worry, your not alone. At least i feel that way too:)

Which is wad makes that special someone who can bring comfort amidst such despair so dear. Never would he/she fail to paint a smile on face, make u feel completing all 200 overdue essays' a breeze, giving u the courage to face the uncertain tmr.

So, to all lit students, do u ever feel like u've found ur Desdemona? He/she wld assure ur place in this world, taking all ur insecurities away with a tight hug, wetting ur frowning lips with a much needed kiss. Such a pure love is easy to take for granted, and when u do, u taint it with ur thoughts of self. U give without taking.

I know im not a lovely thing, not someone u'ld be proud of, at least i feel so. But wad I can do to repay ur gentle love, I would. And I know im a selfish person, but i will learn how to love u btr. I will learn.

angst.

2008-04-14T19:58:00.003+08:00

People are gd for 2 things:
1)Making u smile.
2)Or juz pissing ur mom off her couch (consider it poetic).

IF I THINK UR GD, THEN DUN GO ARD WHINING AND SEEKING ATTENTION FRM OTHERS BY VICTIMISING URSELF. IT. DOESN'T. WORK.

You know wad bitch? I am so sick of the look of ur contorted face, along with 40+ ppl, who juz dun give a shit abt the shithole ur burying urself in. So, let me shine some light into dat pitiful, dark hole of despair and loneliness, which everyone avoids(cause honestly, noone likes u), and deliver u the truth: YOU. ARE ON EVERYONE'S TOHATELIST. Why? Cause ur actions are of a desperate whore who cant get enf attention from other men(WHEN UR ALREADY ATTACHED) and does nth but backstab others whom u deem of no social value. So ya, that's why.

OK. now to talk abt grp 1 (:

Went dotaing wif class on fri!:D got pawned by some j1 kiddos but it was really gr8 to spend time tgt after all the silence hanging in the classrm with everyone getting into the mugging mood. Missed Swensen's with them tho): Ah wth i need a diet anw HAHAHAHAH.

OHOH we got bact back pw results!!
I got. AN A! ahahahahaha wad a surprise?! Ah who am i kidding i'ld be so utterly upset i'ld lock myself up in my rm and starve myself till im no longer fat if i didn't. Lols JUZ JK LA. I really nv expected it and it tastes so much sweeter to noe the bitch from above din get it. YES. But of coz being a emotive creature unlike some bitches, I did feel happy for chuu:D Congrats for pulling through pw dawg and cant wait for this fri(:

And to conclude this angry/blissful post, I'ld like to thank my darling and mistress. HAHAHAH sounds wrong right? eyy i v faithful 1 k.. THANKYOU LOUISCHIAWAHTAT AND ALLIEKOHGINNAH for being supportive and scolding the bitch with me!! Cldn't haf gotten ovr it so quickly w/o u 2 sweetie pies:D:D

And how can i forget the smile u bring to my face darling. iloveu.

I don't care

2008-03-22T17:54:00.002+08:00

They choose to avoid the topic.

Coz they know i hit the nail on the head.

They don't love me as much.

Same scenario, similar conflicts, different treatments.

I was struggling, struggling to understand why they gave me attitude.

Till i gave up.

Then today, I realised.

Being rejected by ur own family hurts.

Friends & Retail

2008-03-22T15:51:00.010+08:00

Random photos of outing on thursday! :D

Really miss this bunch. Been so long since we cld get tgt and catch up that the short time we spent that day still and will leave a smile whenever memories flow back. Real friends are hard to come by and just want them to know I cherish each and everyone of em and they do nth but make my day :)

Ok now for brainless RETAIL CHAT!! :D:D

Went shopping after 10000BC with mt (which turned out to be so much more sentimental than i thought it wld be) and came across this lovely pink shirt in topman!:D Cld'nt kerb my urges so i gave in. I BOUGHT IT :) But the hoodie's just too ex :( Gonna save up for it :):)

PINK SHIRT! :D

Narcicist in pink shirt! :D:D
Purple hoodie i cant get T.T

Till then :)

im losing myself

2008-03-10T20:06:00.003+08:00

lalala

Statue of Fidelity

2007-11-28T15:55:00.000+08:00

trust
faith
Blinded.

churned out from the ground.

Kneaded

mixed

pounded

Foundation rooted, deep down.

Feet, paired, thus sturdy

To hold all that's to come:

Burden'g crawl to shoulders,

with miry clay slapped on.

The Crown refined and finished,

the Torch of Passion raised.

a weary smile, carved out to be

the finishing stroke engraved.

A beauty she was, all envied,

'cause to all she looked upon,

sorrows, heartache and worry

Redeemed from Cupid's wand.

A face of unwavering security;

That's till the furnace came.

The tongues of stinging malice

baked her till crisp, brittle clay.

The once soft 'n comforting goddess,

now vulnerable, Forlorn.

A careless nudge to end her glory

smashing into the floor.

A bitter pill to swallow

to wandering readers you all.

Yet the truth, i present to you.

Listen, heed, or fall.

A tale of a butterfly.

2007-09-23T00:10:00.000+08:00

You'ld think its wilful.
.
But don't you crave for it somtimes?
.
When things become tight. Suffocating.
.
.

Escape. Run away from it all.

So what if you did?

Burst through the binding sinews, the meshing bonds.

Would status quo follow after?

No.

Why then chew on them hidden knives?

Blades of succulent green which fattend'u

Only to spin a straitjack'o fibres of regret woven.

If only i had known.

So in it I hid. I moped.

The walls hugged me tight. Skintight.
.

Yet. I felt no warmth.

What's new?

Figured Hey. Stay. Disappear.

Maybe. Someone would care.

Just maybe, Peer in.

Haha.

Maybe its btr this way, I thought.

No need for complicated relationships, affairs of the heart.

Lovely peace and quiet.

Reality sunk in eventually.

Is it really that much? a kiss? a smile?

To pacify me out of my lil' tantrum?

To remind me how it felt like to be pampered?

I waited. No takers.

I cried.Broke down.

Oh don't cry please don't cry.

Do u believe it? I was hoaxing myself.

Pathetic.

So on I wailed.

I cried out for some love, much needed comfort.

Anyone.

topullmeoutofthisstiflingcoldthisworldthativecometoknowthatrobbedmeofmyinnocencescarredmysoulmurderedmyspirit

killedmymindleftmelooselyhangedabovecityskylightssobrightsolovelyonlytotakeintheviewalltheviewieverwantorneed

andneverbeingabletoexperienceit

Then it happened.

It tore. opened.

I saw the light. It was blinding. Beautiful.

Slowly,

I crawled out.

Wait.

Something's different.

I feel..

Stronger.

I stretched my sleepy tendons, squinted my prickled eyes.

I could see.

I could feel I could touch...........I could fly.

That was when I tasted sweet hope.

Hope that maybe, just maybe,

One day,

I'll learn to love.

Fears and Uncertainties.

2007-09-16T10:51:00.000+08:00

Went to Hippo's hse for a mugging session ytd!:D:D

Packed lunch at loyang pt wif blackman bef arriving and met someone. Hmm.. lols. Anw lunch was gr8, esp wif us doing a once-ovr for a fren:) although it wld have been btr w/o a particular someone ard.

Then it was back into the com rm for gp research. NOT. Lols it was one racist vid aft anth on youtube, from warpedly-translated movie clips to Russel Peters. Karthikk was ponned beyond redemption until we found a chinese one. HE WAS SO HAPPY I TELL U AND WAITED SO ANXIOUSLY FOR IT TO BUFFER AND WHEN IT DID it was jap. -.-lols..

We finally decided youtube was boring and went blog hopping:):) Karthikk, being the pido that he was, became extremely horny and started to comment on sa cheerleaders to my choir jrs LOLS. Juz when he was starting to lose himself to his wild fantasies(lols..), he saw a contact on my msn list that looked familiar. Guess wad? My pae classmate is his pri sch playmate and havnt contacted since half a decade ago. Walking down memory lane, karthikk got us all nostalgic and Shawn started talking abt some other guy in his tjpae class hu was also karthikk's pri sch fren. Like wth?? Are all u ppl related or smth? LOLS ok racist..

Den Shawn and i started bitching and warned kkk to stay away from someone or end up killing each other lols. Halo poped up on the desktop and being bored karthikk started playing. Things turned dry and i left shortly.

The ride back home that evening was particularly meaningful. Rarely wld one haf the time to juz quietly recollect and evaluate everything that happens in their lives. Things u treasure arent thr to last juz because of petty differences. Getting news i always tot i'ld be ecstatic to hear became a bittersweet moment, esp when friendships are tainted and ppl no longer trust each other. Sometimes i wish hard for things to revert back to wad it was. Not because i still treasure wad things were before, but the loss of innocence and trust among frens become so thinkly coated with doubt, sometimes u juz want so bad to run away from it all.

Anyhow. Life's great so long one's sights are placed on things that matter. I treasure the ppl who put in the effort to be more den proximity frens.

And I'll always love u.

No, no hanky panky.

2007-07-11T21:51:00.000+08:00

No im not gna get pecs and we're not coming back 1 head extra. Anw i have SOOO not started packing so im keeping this short:)

No shopping, no activities, no leaving the hotel T.T Got my baht and dno how to spend it-.- All im hoping for is the results are gna be worth it): But i believe we can do it!:D Judging by our performance and capabiltiesis all np:D:D

Its all good. Its all gna be jst fine..

Cleared.

2007-07-03T11:16:00.000+08:00

Its all out in the open and cleared.

Regretted some stuff i said in a fit of anger and disappointment and sry to those i've been insensitive to. Probably the most sry to someone whom i tot was out to make life difficult for me but turned out to be such a forthcoming person. Sry man):

But thk God for His strength and guidance. Cant imagine life w/o Him.

Maaaaahjong.

2007-07-02T20:42:00.000+08:00

Went to Shawn's place for a s206 gathering 2dae!

Almost cldn't go but it was gr8:D Played mahjong wif the kahkees of the class and realised dat auntie-looking Sharon the Beaver looks more than she plays the part. Lols Owned by everyone and only won a record breaking 2times in the whole 3+ hrs hahah. And Shawn's flying chickens and centipedes managed to shut all the others up abt the hippo jokes but not me. oh so not me.
Me: So how, someone losing badly ar?
Shawn: Ahh yalayala go away la hamburger.
Me: Ya lor. Hippo patty lor.

LOLS. Den it was bridge and blackjack wif the black buddies(Su and Karthik) Sneha, Leon, and the card-addicted Hafiza:D As usual her eyes shone so brightly when we pulled out the deck dat the neighbours complained. HAHAH ok more likely complaining abt the noise maybe. Karthik was being his usual bastard self and gloating over his owningsprees and Leon was acting all smart until he lost a match wif an imba hand and a bid at only 2 LOLS. But it was really enjoyable juz having 10ovr of us in 1 cramped room and bonding, esp when hafiza was in the room. HAHAHA juz jk. But really glad dat i got to noe her btr. Probably the most fruitful thing of the day:D

Den out i went to the common game area to play PS!:D:D Khai and Karthik had to be bitches and scored own goals negotiated penalty kicks so they cld extend their play time lols. DEN IT WAS FINALLY OUR TURN AND IT WAS NBA ALLSTARS TIME AND HELL WAS I ANXIOUS TO PLAY and yogi owned me like crap-.- Lols hes like the most crazy player in the whole room la. And he won me despite me using the eastern allstar team when he used third ranking Dallas(FYI: dats juz pure ownage).

Hmm sorted out my thoughts. If he wans to make my life difficult, bring it on. Conscience is clear, answerable to God, and understanding from her, im all ready to face it all. If anything, this whole thing has made me see things from a distance and understand nth's to dire for me to take in my stride. Mum and Bro were strong sources of motivation and strength and i thank God for them. Im all fine:)

Laalala.

2007-06-29T22:19:00.000+08:00

It was supposed to a kbox outing but it din work out. So off I went to the Hippo's place!(:

Su and Karthik joined us after lunch and we had the crappiest time prank msging Rick and watching sadistic vids on Youtube:D:D Lols then along came Chris and we had some Bridge fun! I swear having Shawn as a partner is not a sign of a gd game-.- But it was fun poking fun at the runaway safari attraction and his new imaginary gf wanTING lolololols. Den it was NBA Allstars on the gd o ps2 and as usual Karthik the dishonourable started owning noobs for cheap thrills lols.

(Deleted 2 emoloaded paras) Im disturbed by unexplainable behaviours of someone and i dno wad to do. Wadevr.

An outing we will go.

2007-06-28T20:57:00.000+08:00

Funny how u sign into blogger and have nth to post.

Anw had the best class outing with s206 today! It was the smallest grouped outing we had but the most enjoyable:D:D Waiting for them to finish their mt paper was an eternity but we crapped a whole load in ws macs and it was all worth it when the class was so bonded. sobsob feel so proud.. -.-HAHAHA.

TRANSFORMERS WAS AWESOME. I was half expecting some mindless metal crunching cartoon but it was just cool man. The story was as solid as the graphics and the autobots were dropdead funny la lols. And the female newcomer is HOT. hothothothothot. The first thing all 7 of us left the theatre asking the same qns "Who's dat actress ar?"

Then off we went chionging lan! Confession: I've nv played/touched/seen dota bef 2dae. But it was gr8 la. Even got to frag karthik the noob ponner:D:D but all thx to Su the milky boy for being such a pro dotaer and coach. Medusa sucks and Bloodseeker and pandaboy's the way to go for all noob dotaers lols. Think dota's the way to go for future class outings WOOHOOO.

Got Shawn to come see my hse and had a gd chat with him. Realised how much uncertainties i havent tied up. Really fearful it'll bring me down. He's evil and he knows wad hes doing. He's ruining my life and thrs simply nth i can do. I prayed he nv has to cross my path agn a few months ago but hes back. What is God trying to do/say. Tell me. Help me.

Oh met Peishi on the train today and caught her staring into space like the blur queen she is HAHAH. Anw hope all things go well and may midyrs be a breeze for u k?:D:D And all the best to Shawn the hippo, his KI weirdos and the gsc freaks for tml! LOLS.

SOMEONE SHOOT ME!

2007-06-20T23:44:00.000+08:00

Im gna fail midyrs unless im chained to my chair. T.T

Not done with Physics, Maths untouched with MI elearning still not signed in, and finishing Othello would be an added bonus. AND IM STILL ON THE COM. -.- So lets make this short:

Seriously too many distractions so off i went to church to study wif JOANNA! After not seeing her for like the past 3weeks shes still as plump as ever:D:D:D Anw done quite alot and even finished self learning workenergypower BWAHAHA.

Being the bitches dat we are we drifted and starting gossipping endlessly and the endless ranting came pouring out(acty not so much since my bro was ard-.-) and i realised how real my worries were. I used to shove it aside as paranoia but wad she said could be true and it bothers me alot. Really didnt expect the whole heavy-burden-weighing-down-on-ur-chest to be so literal and its crushing me right now. Concentrating's become a challenge and studying is a chore. My mind's blank yet clouded with doubts all at the same time..

Let my focus be on my studies now Lord.

U know who u are.

2007-06-19T13:32:00.000+08:00

U think u know all abt me.

I've been thinking alot and if ur affected by this u shld juz grow up. For wad its worth i had no ill intent and just did wad i needed to do. But obviously u dun seem to be looking at it very maturely judging by ur actions, so just buzz off coz seriously, nobody cares. I treated u as a friend. Apparently u don't.

OK ENF EMO CRAP

Dat was for an airhead and im not gna be bothered by it.

Midyrs are 7days and counting and im not even done wif Physics. Imsoscrewed. Lols but studying is so damn draining work(esp when u havent watched the movies u wan to during the holsT.T). Apart from dat alot of things are starting to bother me lately and im still figuring out why they all happen at the same time(hmm..) But still thkful for alot of things:D esp these wonderful ppl ard me:
JOANNAchua for being thr and giving me all the advice i need.
SYLVIA for cheering me up wif her stupid youtube japanese reality tvshows.
SHAWN for offering advice and mediation when i needed it most.
CHARLOTTE for just being her. LOLS and for making my day when i was down.
BRANDON for being the sf he is and such a friend:D

Sry if i missed ur name but God seems to be telling me im wavering and trials are set before me to show Hes always thr, by giving me frens like these to help me pull thru. So thx for being thr when i needed u and u ppl really made my day:D

Oh THRS A NEW ADDITION TO THE SKIN:D Code bar beneath my board's a CLOCK. Cool right?? http://clocklink.com/

Shopping is Therapeutic:D

2007-06-18T18:01:00.000+08:00

EC SCREWED MY HAIR.

Im so not leaving my room unless a valid radio-hazard evacuation is issued or smth. -.-

Went SHOPPING. And feel so much btr now. Coz i finally haf decent shirts:D I'ld like to take this chance to thk my Aunt and her mum for losing in mahjong and allowing my mum to sponsor this shopping trip. LOLS.

Here they are:D

Black striped long sleeved shirt:D

White striped long sleeved shirt (and yes its the same 1 in a different color)

And my favourite. GREEN STRIPED POLO TEE! :D

It cost a grand total of 150. Lols wad do expect from topman la. But my mum's winnings are more than dat so its all GUILT FREE:D lols.

Ok gna make this short coz i so shldn't be here. Haven't even touched my phys/maths/lit. Gna flung midyrsT.T lols yupp MUGGING TIME:D

Conclusion? Its just me.

2007-06-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

I haven't been updating because nth happy has happened. But i can't not update coz thrs nth gd to write. Right? So here goes.

I raged a cold war with my brother.
Fought with my dad last week.
Then my mum a few days ago.(all of which are settled oredi to be fair)
Got so pissed with myself coz i cant seem to sit down and prepare for mid-yrs.
Felt insecure and so lousy abt rlns for weeks on end and could not feel good abt myself for the past half a month.

So ya. That abt sums up why Roy hasn't been updating this whole week. Oh i forgot to add. I quarelled with a friend over the phone just moments ago and more or less realised i fucked up a gd friendship of over 7 yrs.

What a bummer eh.

Last message

2007-06-10T20:37:00.000+08:00

Wonder wad dat meant. Juz purely circumstantial or an excuse? Am i playing a role i thought i had but don't? i dno.

Ok. Bro got hospitalised. Some viral infection of the gut thing(not dat the doc was explaining to us in english when she regurgitated the med mumbojumbo). Ya so anw got him to CGH at 12+ and after a series of consultations and admin papercrap he was all ready to meet the real doctor at last. At least dat was wad my dad and i tot. He was put on a drip and wired up to the bed, literally, wif needles and all. Got changed by the nurse(lucky him) and fell aslp. And me and my dad waited.

and waited.

and waited.

and waited.
(An hr later)
The nurse finally came in and said the doc was attending to some emergency stroke patient. And my dad went,"Its ok we can get another doctor." The nurse chuckled, gave him the ur-really-humourous look and said,"Thr's only 1 doc on shift in the whole frigging ward!" Ok she didn't exactly said dat. but she said it so matter-o-factly like we were SO dumb and not even apologetic to make us wait. And is it so common for only 1 doc to be on duty for the entire ward?? Anw we decided to be sympathetic gdhearted samaritans and wait.

and wait.

and wait.

(ok imagine a big void frm here to the end of eternity)

And at 3, a grey silhoutte(i dno if im spelling this right) emerges frm the cramped, dimly-lit aisle, talked to my dad for i swear a mere couple of mins and vanished. So 2-3 hrs of waiting bought us mins of face time wif doc. It looked dumb only after it all happened. Felt so freaking cheated la.

And now my parents are ranting to each other abt how unfilial their children are(me and bro). They talk as if its not worth taking care of us and threatening to do only the bare minimum. Dun say things lidat ok. Keep complaining abt life and crap. Ok wad my bro has done his short tempered behavior and wad-nots not my business, but love is abt unconditional sacrifices, and wad are they doing? I really dno if they feel ashamed having dat convo. Im really angry and accused now la.

And her. Shes perfect. Doing all a regular wadevr ucallit shld be doing, behaving normally. But why is it im feeling like im acting out of boundaries, like im mistaken of my standing in her heart and like some blinded fool acting mr.lover? This is all stupid. Or essential. Self-assurance slowly melts into denial; i cant differentiate which is which. This wud all be unfair and unjustified allegations against her if it were juz my paranoia but i still need to voice it out. before i explode. Love is a shady term undefined to me now when i compare wad im feeling now to wad ppl ard me are exhibiting, especially my parents. i dnodnodno.

FAREWELL 06/07 ROCKS:D

2007-06-08T01:21:00.000+08:00

FAREWELL TOATALLY ROCKED TODAY OK. I was so hyper running ard playing games and taking photos wif snrs. omg its like the best la:D:D:D

Ok started off the day at 8.30 in sch and left for sheng shiong at 9.15. Just for the record, the food we bought was enf for 3(name of really big guy who muz not be mentioned) s la. -.- ok maybe 2. we didnt buy like for a whole army so ya. I am so mean.. LOLS. Hmm den it was a-lugging-we-will-go back to sch. Oh the four shoppers went to macs for breakfast 1st before heading back. Thats when i discovered how blur Shiling and how horny(but nice. lols..) Izaati was la.What purposely drop wallet to chat gals up la?! Lols Izaati's a notti girl..

Den we had prac. Gloria finally had a pulse and was acty quite nice. YAY:D:D And i got the wadevr tempo crap dat mrYong was talking abt when i got no music backgrd la. omgosh im too gd.HAHA! Last 30mins was spent on Daemon which totally sucked. But it was really coz we were really drained by the intensive Gloria trng so ya. j1s rock(:(:(:(:(:

Ok. Den the fun began. We started off with pass the parcel. Which was like the most fun part of the whole farewell la. know why? Know why?? KNOW WHY??? Coz melwee and ME organised it. HAHAHAH ok nvm. The sense of achievement was so gd when u acty see Canphylia proposing to Kahwee and Shukit doing a pole dance. with melwee as the pole. LOLOLOLOLLSSS. Gotta say shes hit some ass luck la. All possible possibilities all arrow her la. Even the cheesy lines thing(WE WERE EVEN CONTEMPLATING IT THE NIGHT BEFORE AND SHRUGGING IT OFF AS IMPOSSIBLE LA. lolololololololollllllllss). Den it was the long awaited 123-JUMP. Lols gotta admit it was quite well done by wahtat la. Laughed my ass off when i saw Charlotte try to jump from grid to grid la! dat clumsy unglam lil thing lollls.

Andre's faceoff HAHAH!

Den it was back into the lt for the tribute. the 10min plus long slides were really gd lorr. SYLVIA(aka kambing) U ROCK:D:D:D Saw so many smiles and memories made in a short 3months+ with the snrs. Cant imagine they're leaving soon.. AND LEAVING US ALONE LIKE FINALLY. -.-HAHAHAH ok im joking. But almost got emotional when i was in the lt la. The tribute, giving of gifts to zhuen and junwen and the rest of tenors, really duwan them to leave.. :(

Horny socks for junwen! Lols.
Seniors impromptu-ing "We go together"

Hmm it was dinner after dat. AND A WHOLE LOT OF CAMWHORINGGG. Lols took so many photos with so many ppl la. Had so much fun:D:D:D But at least the snrs would leave mjchoir with memories forever frozen in time and it really heartens me alot while taking those shots with all of them. Coz they all have my pretty face in their cams now. HAHAHAHAH:D:D:D And the nxt highlight was the taupoking. Omgosh it was so intense ok. Bodies were flopping onto each other so spontaneously la! Lols see zq flailing ard on the floor was indeed worth the pain stacking hehe(:(:(:(:

Den came 10pm and we all had to leave ):):)):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):): Said our gdbyes and all and when we're abt to leave. ok guess. Dumb security had to give attitude. Lock the damn gate and argue with us la. Thank god Martin confronted him like half-politely(coz he was such a bloody killjoy and doesnt deserve any courtesy in the first place) and got him to open up la. Like wth la. We're trying to like make it the best night for ppl who gave in so much and he gave it such an end. -.-bloody cockup la. Ok nvm. was happy after dat:D

Went home with her. Saw her home. Talked and made things clear. Roy is officially feeling lighthearted for the 1st time in the whole week:D

Blogger juz made me edit my whole post coz exclamation marks are not allowed. -.-

I LOVE MJCHOIR<3

2007-06-07T00:31:00.000+08:00

Its 12.30 now i have to get my lazy ass to pasir ris mrt station by 8.30 tml morn and im not slping. -.-lols.

Haiya but cant slp la. dats why this entry is here. so appreciate it. READ IT.

Hmm after deciding everything i realised i had to finish more than wrapping the parcel present so off i went to TM shopping!!:D We shopped for some stuff 1st and was expecting it to be rather boring acty. But it proved very much otherwise. lols.. Anw we headed to her hse to do the parcel crap and ended chatting 45mins of every hr lols. But really got to know my fellow HR manager btr and realised we're acty in the same boat. So many insecurities and unassurances. Really felt somewhat glad dat thrs someone who understands exactly wad ur gg through and doesn't flatly deem you desperate.

Ok juz deleted 2 paragraphs worth of crap which i decide to be kept inside till it explodes. And its getting really late. SLEEP IS SO WONDERFUL. lols nites:D

Reassurance

2007-06-06T17:18:00.000+08:00

Ahh shld have been home like hrs ago. Ok nvm lols.

Today was Yoru day. And we acty sounded decent(:(:(: Altho thr were alot of details pin-pointed and scrutinised and it was rather technical but it was quite fun today lei. didnt feel dready at all. maybe coz mrYong was really making music with us today, as in really enjoying the music and hearing as we made it. Think mrYong likes our batch more lor. LOLSS:D:D:D

And after waiting for all eternity for melwee and jon to be done with chamber, we headed to MOS BURGER FOR LUNCH!!! stuffed myself silly with fries and GLMs:D ohh and the mos fried chicken was so GOOD la! didnt try before last time lor. Ok feel like a sua gu now lols. Must go eat agn soon(:(: Ok so we went shopping and i tot it'll take real long and we settled it in like 30mins. -.-lols. Brandon and i decided to buy the same thing for all the snrs while jon got smth special for the SLs(im not revealing wad it is so dun bother HAHA). Wanted to like get a bib or pacifier for gibson 1 la but cldnt find haiz.. Lols k la not dat bad to cute gibby la.

Oh ya we bumped into allie like twice in parkway like twice la lols. so coincidental. bought some stuff for snrs in minitoons and the 5 of us left for ice cream. Forgot which cafe it is but the ice cream looked so gd la~ and was cheap lor like 5dollars for 3 flavors. but i was too full to eat anth T.Tlols. ok la but it was fun juz sitting ard crapping and luffing at each other, especially charlotte. Lols we keep bullying her la. partly coz shes like the dumbest cutest thing in the universe LOLS. hmm went home after dat.

Today was a hyper day. but really weighed down by worrying behaviours of her frens and herself. I need reassurance. Rather badly acty. Sometimes it feels blissful but its juz been mostly tiring recently. as in its juz really draining to keep assuring myself that im paranoid. Even before slping at night; lying in bed and juz continually telling urself ur thinking too much isnt exactly the best way to get to slp -.-lols.

I have pride. I have an ego. But the distance is just killing me. ever so slowly. Someone slap me please lols.

First post

2007-06-05T20:01:00.000+08:00

First of all, i wanna thank my lovely bald CHARLOTTE for this beautiful new bloggggg! :D ok now back to me haha.

Ok momentous occassion. MY FIRST POST(:(:(:(:(: dun really haf a lot to writ acty lols. ok shall go thru my whole day.

Hmm woke up at 7 today only to fall back slping till 8. -.- . Rushed up from bed changed and got my ass out of the hse in a record breaking 5 mins(its an achievement if u haf grass for hair like me ok). Got to ava rm like 8.50 with lovely Vijay nowhr in sight. lols. So we juz sat ard outside snapping pic of baldy and crapping till granny arrived 20 mins ltr.

oh and IM SO HAPPY WIF DAEMON TODAY:D:D:D we sound so gd la wif all the improvements and split notes crapped aside. Also coz everyone was focusing 2dae(finally). Sops still sound "too sweet" tho.lols. Hmm but basses gotta work harder la. Not dat they cant sing la but maybe a lil work on techniques needed? Quite surprised dat jon khoo sounded gd acty didnt expect dat. But so proud of NICKY(aka maxim boy/pai kia). No choir exp still sound gd lei. WA not bad ar~ lols. Go basses go!! :)

Gloria was not bad. i guess. lols. But hell broke loose when we sung yoru-.- the supposedly scary demo kowaii part was aff.al.aeye.tee. FLAT. so disgusting. And we got jon me evan yanxuan for the front part. grand total of 4 hummers. -.- we were as loud as the cockroach we found in the cupboard 2dae la(the one that freaked sylvia out and made her screamandscreamandSCREAM. lols). Was like trying not to crack while pushing the dumb humming out la. But mrYong can hear us ovr other sections. so happy:D

GG TO SHOP FOR FAREWELL GIFTS TML!! buying for Jan and cute lil Gibby. gna get them pacifiers or smth BWAHAHAA lols. cant w8 for choir tml(:(:(: but stupid wahtat juz informed me haf to do games for farewell and mel's sick-.- haiya nvm. still looking forward to it!:D

hope she gets well and all walls fall. really need dat now i think.

TESTING!

2007-06-03T22:47:00.001+08:00

Hello I am posting this so that you can see the template. You can delete this later hahaha.
Charlotte rocks your socks. Duh? :) Bye.